Bitchiness is not a Crime

Just another woman who try to look wise

Playing the role

It is weird… someone once told me that I am the most generous of the bunch, and she doesn’t understand why people treat me as they do…

Come to think of it, yeah… I am genuinely generous – I mean I really don’t expect anything in return when I do good deeds. I just wanted to make people happy…

Then the question is, WHY? Why people see me as a bitch and a nuisance?

And why I didn’t do anything to reverse the image?

I beginning to know the answer… first, I want to make people happy. To be happy, people need to feel good about themselves. To feel good, they need to be better then other people. To be better, they need a benchmark!

Voila! I put myself as their benchmark… I play the role of the evil witch of the raven grove.

All my life, I never realised that I’ve put myself to be used by others… well, I know I’m being used, but never realised that they actually exploit me and used me up.

Also, I don’t know how to receive compliments… So I just do things behind their back or often makes it like it is accidentally happen.

Why someone goes all the trouble?

I have no idea!!!!

I personally, don’t want this to happened. But I can’t help it… There’s a voice inside of me, it wants me to do good… to do the right thing. Even it means to sacrifice myself.

I know that’s stupid… VERY VERY stupid!!!

I tried to a real selfish bitch, but I can’t… the guilt will soon consumes me… and it will replayed over and over my head, wanting to be satiated.

I keep blaming my parents to taught me to tolerate too much… however, funny as it sounds, I cannot tolerate stupidity!

So now, I just play the role. If they are happy, at least I can sleep well at night and live life lightly 🙂

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October 10, 2010 - Posted by | Life in General

5 Comments »

  1. It is interesting that I revisit your blog tonight and I’m glad to see that it is still here. =) I found a couple of blogs that were deleted and I am glad to see yours is not one of them.

    As for your post here, sacrificing yourself is often a very noble act and deed to do for someone but consider the word, sacrifice.

    I do have to say though that you give up yourself, piece of yourself with each instance of sacrifice. At some point, you will a shell of yourself if you don’t stop making that gut reaction sacrifice. Ultimately, a true sacrifice is a one time deal that leaves you with nothing so that the person you are making the sacrifice for has something to show for it.

    I sacrificed my education so that my children can grow up in an environment where they know who they are and where they came from. I wanted them to have a true cultural identity rather than be just the kids in apartment whatever. I do not regret the sacrifice but I at least have the knowledge that my sons know who they are, they have a cultural identity and as First nations Person from Canada, that is something. =)

    But to get back to your post I have to say that if you give up a piece of yourself to make others happy every single time, you will not be seen as anything other than a door mat. Forgive my bluntness but I don’t like to see people being taken advantage of because they are genuinely good at heart.

    Also I am not a woman but I have been known to be a bitch once in a while. LOL Humanity has many faces and unless you stop wearing only the sacrificial face, you will not be able to see all that is out there to see.

    Comment by E_Dragon | November 8, 2010 | Reply

    • I don’t think I want to delete this blog E-Dragon 🙂
      welcome back!!

      I agree with you, I do feel and know that I am being use as doormat.
      It is shame to know that the world is really not made of daisies and roses… I am just gullible!

      But since people like me is rare to find, don’t you think we need to preserve the last of its’ kind? LOL…

      Anyway, I see your points.
      Yet, I don’t know how to change and what it’ll become of me when I am not the way I am?

      Comment by Miss Cynic | November 9, 2010 | Reply

  2. Apa kabar Jeng? lama ga mampir, suer…kangen !! Saya yakin All swt senantiasa peduli dan sayang Jeng Hap….. (saya juga loh).

    rgds

    Comment by irawandanuningrat | November 21, 2010 | Reply

  3. Apa kabar Jeng? lama ga mampir, suer…kangen !! Saya yakin All swt senantiasa peduli dan sayang Jeng Hap… (saya juga loh.

    rgds

    Comment by irawandanuningrat | November 21, 2010 | Reply

    • Mas Irawan, piye kabare mas?
      Alhamdulillah baik2 ajah sayanya (wah ini kaya surat2an jaman dahoeloe kala yah… hehehehe)

      Agak kurang aktif emg belakangan ini, byk inspirasi, tapi tiap udah mulai semedi kok pada kaboorrr semua 😦

      Belakangan juga kurang aktif main2 didunia maya… dunia nyata terlalu menuntut….

      Comment by Miss Cynic | November 24, 2010 | Reply


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