Playing the role

It is weird… someone once told me that I am the most generous of the bunch, and she doesn’t understand why people treat me as they do…

Come to think of it, yeah… I am genuinely generous – I mean I really don’t expect anything in return when I do good deeds. I just wanted to make people happy…

Then the question is, WHY? Why people see me as a bitch and a nuisance?

And why I didn’t do anything to reverse the image?

I beginning to know the answer… first, I want to make people happy. To be happy, people need to feel good about themselves. To feel good, they need to be better then other people. To be better, they need a benchmark!

Voila! I put myself as their benchmark… I play the role of the evil witch of the raven grove.

All my life, I never realised that I’ve put myself to be used by others… well, I know I’m being used, but never realised that they actually exploit me and used me up.

Also, I don’t know how to receive compliments… So I just do things behind their back or often makes it like it is accidentally happen.

Why someone goes all the trouble?

I have no idea!!!!

I personally, don’t want this to happened. But I can’t help it… There’s a voice inside of me, it wants me to do good… to do the right thing. Even it means to sacrifice myself.

I know that’s stupid… VERY VERY stupid!!!

I tried to a real selfish bitch, but I can’t… the guilt will soon consumes me… and it will replayed over and over my head, wanting to be satiated.

I keep blaming my parents to taught me to tolerate too much… however, funny as it sounds, I cannot tolerate stupidity!

So now, I just play the role. If they are happy, at least I can sleep well at night and live life lightly 🙂

Advertisements