Bitchiness is not a Crime

Just another woman who try to look wise

Conformity

Lately, I’ve been ‘accepted’ in the circle of the ‘holier than thou’ clan.

For a long time, I’ve been bullied, rejected, humiliated, pressured, stripped and even raped – gang-bang style by this clan.

This acceptance starts when there are 2 new ‘unholy’ came into the picture… when I started to complain and whine about one of the ‘unholy’, suddenly it’s like I’ve walked through the fire of sacrament… and voila! I am one of them…

In my head, heart and every inch of my body, I know that I don’t belong with them… I am one of the unholy!! But trashing the other unholy makes me ‘holier than thou’!!!! – oh boy, I am becoming one of them…

For years I’ve struggled and defied conformity… I’ve never been comfortable with it. It demands and sucks the life of me… it takes away every essence that makes me, ME!

I realised that they need every drop of blood available to fight the grand ‘unholy’, and I allow myself to be their vessel…

It’s nice that I don’t need to watch my back anymore, I don’t have to be ready to draw my sword at anytime, I don’t need to put on my heavy armoury… but I don’t want to turn into them! Hypocrite, liar, murderer, rapist, bully etc.

I don’t want to put a ‘happy face’ when hatred burns deep and hot in me. I don’t want to bow and lick every ass available just to get a place in the queen’s heart.

I know that my confidence threaten people – when you are living in a very unconfident society, to be confident is SO FREAKIN’ WRONG!

I believe in my capability, I flashed it sometimes… okay often! But that only to compensate my weaknesses!! Don’t they see that?? Of course not! People only want to see, what they want to see.

But the more I know them, the more I understand them… and the more I don’t want to be a part of them… well, I’ve never wanted to be one of them anyway. I’m just tired of all the fight and struggle… this is a good break before my fangs and claws are sharpened and ready to tear their tender meat.

I am against public opinion, because most of the time majority is wrong! I like talking about small details, I like knowing things that arouse my interest, I like debating and I like to be me.

Someone told me that I am less vicious than I was… I said, I just don’t give a shit anymore, I close my mouth and keep everything to myself… I’d figure, people really don’t want to know what I think, people just don’t like to think beyond and obviously people don’t want to know the worst part of everything.

I got my witty and genius buddies for this, where they really can appreciate a different view of the matter – even the darker side of the moon.

Oh, I am ranting in disorder again…

So the point is, I am doing conformity because I am beaten down, where I don’t really like and made me a hypocrite, and I show ‘happy face’ when my heart is full of rain cloud and when people ask me how I am, I tell them I am fine, everybody’s fine – that makes me a liar, and so on and so on.

I think I’ve become them, or worst… I belong with them!!

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March 11, 2010 - Posted by | B*tching, Life in General, Relationship

12 Comments »

  1. C’est la vie….. somehow, everybody does it upon certain levels.
    If you think that is a bad (while for others could be a “good”) news, then in return, the good news is ….we can, we must, and we will completely be naked in front of HIM at any moment. This really the best news isn’t it?, or……the worst?

    Comment by Irawan Danuningrat | March 16, 2010 | Reply

    • Yeah… I agree that SOME level of conformity is necessary. BUT, Indonesia is TOO STRONG on conformity, not allowing other people to bend as far as they can reach, when it is OUT of the society border… sad don’t you think?
      Great people reach greatness because they leap outside the border…

      Comment by hapitri | March 17, 2010 | Reply

  2. Well.. Maybe you are right though it cannot be generalized. It could be strong in one society but it might be too loosen in other society depending on the society of one’s coming from.
    For me, if conformity is not the best solution, then I would rather live my own life.
    But if I may say, I would rather slaughter my inner ego than to cross my entire closest circle’ hopes.

    Comment by Irawan Danuningrat | March 17, 2010 | Reply

    • I do have empathy… I do have tolerance…
      But I still want to be myself… and ‘myself’ is very far off centre… it is not about ego, it is about giving me room to be me.

      Comment by hapitri | March 18, 2010 | Reply

      • My dear Sis,
        I can see your point and fairness.
        As a matter of fact, I am sure nobody has really become himself or herself but God, so… how about trying to enjoy what we get and make “the impossible thing -> possible”?

        regards

        Comment by Irawan Danuningrat | March 18, 2010

      • to make the impossible be possible 🙂
        now that’s what I’m talking about… is it possible to make people like me without me need to do conformity??

        hehehe… that is the question?!

        to be oneself, is to be the person we that are most comfortable with, no?

        Comment by hapitri | March 18, 2010

  3. positively possible and observing through your writing, I’am confident most people likes you as the way you are… no need to change dear!.

    Comment by Irawan Danuningrat | March 18, 2010 | Reply

    • that’s the problem… only a very FEW genuinely likes me 😀
      and they are I call friends 😉

      Comment by hapitri | April 1, 2010 | Reply

  4. Understandably your article helped me terribly much in my college assignment. Hats off to you dispatch, wish look forward in the direction of more related articles soon as its united of my pick subject-matter to read.

    Comment by Debt Relief | March 23, 2010 | Reply

    • glad to help… dunno in what way you feel that it can help though 😀
      Please do ask if you want to know more!

      Comment by hapitri | April 1, 2010 | Reply

  5. Brim over I to but I think the brief should have more info then it has.

    Comment by Vigrx Plus | March 28, 2010 | Reply

    • if it has more info… then it might offended some people 😉

      Comment by hapitri | April 1, 2010 | Reply


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