Bitchiness is not a Crime

Just another woman who try to look wise

The classic scene

The man is down on his knees, at on his left hand he present a little velvet box. With the other hand he opens the box and the most beautiful ring the girl ever seen is there… then with his right hand he took the girl right hand. While the girl holds her breath, afraid to move that she might ruin the perfect moment…

The man say, “my love, will you do me the honour and marry me?”. The girl gasp, and throw herself to the man and say, “oh, yes… yes… I will marry you.”, and then they kiss, a deep and long kiss.

Classic eh? Every girls dream? I don’t know.

Well, as you know that this is not a mushy washy girl’s hand that writes the passages of this blog… you ought to know that I will not please you with a happy ever after! (evil grin)

This scene comes to my head after I watch a trailer for some romance-comedy movie (don’t ask me the title… the scene took me away from knowing the title).

Okay. So why is it that a woman needs to wait to be proposed? (I know… in real life, most of the times it didn’t happen the way I portrays).

Why is it that we women need to wait for our men to be ready to commit to this whole marriage thing? Or in short term, we wait for our men to ‘announce’ to the world that we’re ‘officially’ dating. It is rarely the other way around.

In fact, most of us (female) didn’t get the chance to choose, but we are chosen. I mean, even though we’ve dated for some times, it is unusual for the female to proclaim that a man is her boyfriend, unless the man already stated that. If she does that without the agreement from that man, the chance is… he might walk out, running! (the classic line would be, “I didn’t promise you anything, I thought we’re just having fun together”)

For me, it makes me feel like we’re a line of cattle in an auction and trying to get a good farmer to bid on us and take us home (well, we do hope that he is a farmer, not a butcher – but hey, they all look alike).

What makes me sad, honestly… is the fact that the woman is waiting anxiously for her man to pop the question, and if the woman is too eager to get married, it will scares off the man. Many of my friends told me to play it cool, relax, enjoy the game, etc.etc.

In other word, wait until the guy willing/ready/wanting/ whatever to get committed, rite? So why should this be the guy’s privilege? I know the woman is allowed to say yes or no, but it is almost never the woman who is on her knees asking for the man’s hand in marriage. Or it is rarely the woman’s who initiates that their relationship is a steady one.

Yes, I’ve been in such ‘situation’, where we’ve dated for some times (I really thought that we’re dating since he took me out and introduce me to their friends, family, and so on and so on), and at some point in that ‘relationship’ I just want some clarification… Are we on or not? And of course after I asked that question, ALL of those guys run away. Too fast you say? Would a 1-2 years relationship be too fast to ask that clarification? Of course, usually when I ask that question (So what are we? Friends? Lovers? What?), I really want to make sure that it is perfectly alrite for me to date other guys! :D… (if you think that I’m that desperate to get a status, ha! Guess again!) I just want to play fair.

I guess it is as expected that woman is passive and man is active… but I can’t erase the image of women in line in an auction, stand silently, their eyes searching to the crowds, waiting for their name to be called, she keeps hearing other woman’s name being shout out, watching as one by one of her flock being taken away, eying on the leash (a fancy leather leash, vested with precious stones, or just some old rope), hoping that the next name will be hers, and praying that her bidder is not a butcher… 😛

And the man, feels that he got a good bargain (he feels darn lucky since he didn’t use all of his coins), walks out with his chin up in the sky, feeling so proud of himself, pulling the leash, maybe he brags or maybe not, but he feels like a winner! (I hope he really knows what he take home, since the lighting and ‘make-up’ in the auction room can dazzles one’s eye).


August 24, 2009 - Posted by | B*tching, In between, Life in General, Love, Marriage, Men, Relationship, Women


  1. O’ dear, Donna..Donna…Donna….,
    Farmer? butcher? well they would look alike if we just use our eyes to see them. We can only recognise and distinct them trough “heart” dear….. How? don’t always rely on your intellectual and rational values to respond everything in our life. Try to explore it through your spiritual and emotional intelligence…. OK

    best regards

    Comment by Irawan Danuningrat | August 30, 2009 | Reply

    • but how do you explore them when the female are being the auction goods???

      Comment by hapitri | September 1, 2009 | Reply

      • Who says or considers that women are “auction goods”?
        educated people? western people? or they who claim themselves “ultra-modern” society?.. proudly not me.

        My mother is a also woman ….., my brothers, our father and I respect and admire her very much…

        O’ dear ! I must urged you to quickly pull yourself away from such uncivilised “modern” society then!

        Comment by Irawan Danuningrat | September 4, 2009

      • Hahaha…
        I wonder what will a man do when a woman down on her knees and ask his hand in marriage??

        Comment by hapitri | September 7, 2009

      • It depends on who the woman is…hehehe….! please don’t think negatively! I just would like to say that I would not feel happy with that scene, moreover and at the contrary, I would drown in a great suspicious for a hidden agenda behind it or… she must be very very insane! (jaman sekarang kan wanita umumnya pinter-pinter dan lebih independen lagee…..)

        I bet You wouldn’t do that, would you please …., beside
        I’m sure I could do that better for U !!! kwaak cilaka…!!

        Comment by Irawan Danuningrat | September 8, 2009

      • see… hidden agenda… INSANE?!?! belum2 udah dikira macam2… ck ck ck ck…
        I don’t know what I’ll do in the future 😉

        better?? you mean bigger diamonds and all?? 😀

        Comment by hapitri | September 9, 2009

      • weleh..weleh…., pasti saya keliru menafsirkan pertanyaan Mbake.

        you wrote :
        “I wonder what will a man do when a woman down on her knees and ask his hand in marriage??”

        Bagi saya adalah wajar dan fair enough bhw seorang pria berlutut di hadapan seorang wanita seraya memegang bunga (atau cincin berlian) guna MEMOHON atau MENGEMIS kesediaan wanita tsb utk dipersunting menjadi isterinya.

        Mengapa? menurut saya (juga menurut Sang Pencipta) sudah sepatutnya wanita dihormati, dilindungi dan dipuja seperti itu oleh kaum pria……

        Bagaimana jika seorang wanita yang BERLUTUT, MEMOHON DAN MENGEMIS di hadapan pria untuk dinikahinya?….

        Pemandangan ini pasti akan membuat saya sedih dan prihatin.
        Hal tsb jelas akan membuat saya selaku pria merasa keterlaluan dan melecehkan kehormatan kaum wanita. Dan jika ada wanita yang “ngotot” melakukan hal tsb, saya pasti akan merasa heran dan bertanya-tanya, ada apa dibalik hal itu…?

        Memang merujuk pada aspek “kesetaraan gender”, mungkin sah-sah saja jika wanita menuntut kesetaraan hak utk melakukan apa-apa yg selama ini dilakukan pria. Namun coba bayangkan ketika banyak kaum pria yg berprofesi sebagai kuli angkat, masak iya… gak usahlah wanita juga mesti melakukan pekerjaan “kasar” tsb. Berilah kesempatan pada kaum pria untuk menghormati kaum wanita dan biarkan hanya pria yg melakukan pekerjaan kasar tsb.

        Comment by Irawan Danuningrat | September 10, 2009

      • yah mas.. itu kan artinya kami (kaum wanita) hanya bs menunggu dan menunggu sampai pada saat sang pria bersedia menikahi dirinya… lah kl pada akhirnya ceritanya seperti artis yg sedang di gosipkan hamil 2 bln dan diputuskan oleh tunangannya gmn tuh??
        (terlepas dari aspek moral dan agama yah)….
        I’d be down on my knees with a sharp knife on my hand, asking him to marry me or else…. 😉

        Comment by hapitri | September 10, 2009

      • Aduh jeng, gitu aja koq repot…… Lha wong jaman sekarang sudah biasa wanita ngajak pria menikah, bahkan di TV (Indosiar) sudah berlangsung acara “take him out” dimana wanita ditempatkaan sebagai subyek yg memiliki hak penuh untuk “mencomot” seorang dari sekian banyak pria yg menyatakan dirinya ingin dipilih menjadi pasangan wanita tsb, maupun “take me out”, dimana sang wanita diberi kebebasan utk menyatakan ketertarikan dan keinginannya utk menjadi pasangan seorang pria.

        Yg saya pahami, masalahnya bukan lagi pada ada atau tidaknya “hak” (rights) bagi wanita untuk menentukan/ menyatakan kehendaknya, karena masalah individual rights sudah dijamin kesetaraannya oleh UU. Maka dari itu, statements saya pd hakekatnya lebih tertuju pada aspek kepatutan, tata cara mengekspresikan dan opsi kegiatan yg hendak diadop oleh sang wanita. Maka dari itu contoh yg saya kemukakan a.l. tidak manusiawinya membiarkan wanita menjadi kuli angkut meski ia bekas atlit angkat berat dan berhak memilih profesi apapun yg diinginkannya.

        Any woman of course has the right to propose any man she wants, tapi apakah “cara” melamarnya mesti berlutut seperti itu? bahkan belum tentu semua lelaki bersedia melamar dgn cara demikian disamping belum tentu semua wanita juga suka dilamar dgn cara seperti itu….
        Saya kira masing-masing individu punya selera, kesukaan dan cara sendiri-sendiri yg unik, mungkin menurutnya paling taktis, etis dan romantis sehingga acara lamaran tsb berhasil dan sukses memperoleh tujuannya.

        Kembali, concern saya bukan pada aspek kebebasan berkehendak karena hal tsb sudah selesai dan sudah diakomodir oleh berbagai hukum perundang-undangan, termasuk oleh agama (lakum dinukum walyadin…), buktinya masyarakat kita tokh biasa disuguhi tayangan dan menerima eksistensi publik figur yg punya anak lebih dari seorang tanpa menikah, hamil tanpa menikah, wanita menyelingkuhi suami, baik suami sendiri maupun suami orang lain dll.

        Concern saya hanyalah pada NORMA mana yg SEPATUTNYA dipelihara, dijunjung dan dilestarikan oleh kaum wanita demi kehormatan dirinya sendiri dimata keluarganya, lingkungannya, maupun kaumnya. Soal pilihan…? itu sih hak azasi setiap orang utk menentukannya….

        Salam hmhm…ya

        Comment by Irawan Danuningrat | September 11, 2009

      • hmm… kira2 kl saya melamar lelaki dengan menodongkan pistol, bakal diterima apa ga ya?

        Comment by hapitri | September 15, 2009

      • tergantung siapa atau type pria bagaimana yg mau Mbak lamar…Type Ivan Gunawan? Komeng, Parto, mas Haniifa atau type saya? hehehe….
        Kalo saya sih……… (st.. ben tak bisikno wae ya)

        Comment by Irawan Danuningrat | September 17, 2009

      • hahahaha…. tipe yg gimana yah?
        saya ga punya tipe khusus… yg penting compatible ajah 😉

        Comment by hapitri | September 28, 2009

  2. Well dear, I would rather send U this joke instead of having argue with U. Wish U could enjoy it.

    A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, “If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes..” The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, “Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get ten times of it!” The woman said, “That’s okay.”

    For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
    The frog warned her, “You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to”.
    The woman replied, “That’s okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me.”
    So, KAZAM -she’s the most beautiful Woman in the world!

    For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
    The frog said, “That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you. ”
    The woman said, “That’s okay, because what’s mine is his and what’s his is mine.”
    So, KAZAM- she’s the richest woman in the world!

    The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, “I’d like to have a mild heart attack.”

    Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don’t mess with them!.
    Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you!!!. Stop here and continue feeling good!

    Male readers: Please scroll down.
    The man had a heart attack ten times “milder” than his wife!!!

    Moral of the story : Women are really dumb but think they’re really smart .
    Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show ……..hik hik hik

    If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!
    You can forward this to all the guys for a good laugh, and to all the ladies who have a good sense of humour 🙂

    Comment by Irawan Danuningrat | September 7, 2009 | Reply

    • touche!!!
      a good one 😉

      Comment by hapitri | September 7, 2009 | Reply

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