Bitchiness is not a Crime

Just another woman who try to look wise


This was written sometimes ago together with one of my bestfriend ‘D’… she also write this in her blog.

“Singlehood” is a tricky condition & situation… I find people are difficult to accept that some people may feel it is okay to be single. As an unmarried woman, I have to come out with quick answer for all the questions that people are showering me. I have no idea why people think that asking question about your marital status is part of courtesy. Maybe they’re just trying to be polite. But when it seems that it is the first question that anyone asks you on public, it gets pretty annoying and it is just plain nosy. ‘Why don’t you have a boyfriend?’ I don’t think they have any clue that the answer to that question is as complicated as the expanding universe. I usually answer that with a polite smile, and ask them to hope for the best for me. These days I have think of some more creative answers, from I’m still searching for the right one, thought an imaginary boyfriend who is currently abroad, even to a quick sour and painless reply that I’m gay. And the look on their faces when I say that might become the unmarried type is totally indescribable. I’m not sure whether it is the look if they see a child with severe leukemia or the look if they see a Martian walking down the street.

As today, I went out to have a lunch with my office colleagues. The conversation went as boring as it supposed to be, office gossips, celebrity gossips, fashions statements, and finally it flowed not-so-surprisingly to my relationship status. They were aware that I’ve been out with several guys. I told them that I decided to quit all of them (it’s not dumping when you’re not on a steady date). Of course they nosily asked what the reason was, and I said I learn to accept singlehood as a part of my life. They gave me a pitying look as if I had just received a 5 more months to live prognosis. Honestly I was offended by the look. What is so wrong about being a single woman? Am I that sad?

One of the girls told me not to be so desperate and pessimistic. Boy, out of anger, I would love to scream at face telling her I have a fulfilled life. But it would make me seem like I need a restraining jacket. So I decided to shut up just to keep our relationship as saccharine as it was. I told her, in a much respected tone of voice that I’m not desperate. I’m just learning to accept life as it is. They all started to preach that I should never give up searching and looking for the right guy because I have limited time to give birth, now that I’m nearing 30. My reply was I didn’t lose anything, so I didn’t need to look, and where to look anyway? Looking for a significant other is not like looking for a landmine with a metal detector, D’oh! As I expected, one of them start blabbering about divine intervention and religion…Oh, yeah….Bring the parade in, bring God into this too…

What really annoys me is the way all of those question, remarks, and facial expression had made me feel like a disappointment. Despite all of the achievement I have, graduating school, university, having a job, earning my own money, speaking more than 2 languages, my recent promotion, my friendliness, my wittiness, my smartassness, my compassion for others, and my look that is so damn good, I still seem like a failure to them because I cannot find a man who I want to marry? Is the total worth of a woman is her ability to lure a man and breed his offspring for the rest of her life?

No, I don’t think I’m desperate. If I am, I would lower my minimum standard down to a penis and a pulse. People need to learn to accept that it is okay to be single. There is nothing sad or strange about a single girl who is happy with her life, a single girl who does not feel weird shopping alone or eating in a restaurant alone. I don’t want to be to optimistic that one day price charming is going to sweep me off my feet and carry me towards the sunset, I don’t want to face the disappointment when it finally didn’t happen. I don’t want to be too pessimistic either thinking I would be all alone in my deathbed, I know I still have the chance to meet somebody, to fall in and out of love. I’m drawing a straight thick line between being too optimistic and fooling your self, also the very same thick line that separates preparing for the worst and being pessimistic. I’m keeping both of my feet on that line.

Either way, I’m just going go living my life the best as I know how and have the greatest time in life. That’s it.


July 1, 2008 - Posted by | Life in General, Men, Relationship, Women


  1. Be happy my es crime
    Be happy my friend

    Hanya engkau yang tahu siapa engkau

    Comment by lovepassword | July 22, 2008 | Reply

  2. I am Happy 😛

    just rather unsatisfied with people’s repondses 😀

    Comment by hapitri | July 22, 2008 | Reply

  3. Well, I agree about people being nosy and annoying if a 30+ girl is single. Something just has to be wrong with her… What about all the single guys enjoying their lives without any remarks from so called ‘friends’. I am 32 and single right now and I’d rather stay that way than be in some bad relationship!

    Comment by divushka | June 8, 2009 | Reply

    • I would say that people have different priority in life…
      and I am completely agree with you that being single is a choice that we make, if not… we’d be with partner right now (in whatever means).
      To be honest, I don’t know if I consciously wanted to be single…. But indeed, no one would want to end up in a bad relationship…
      The worst for me, is when people start telling me what they want me to be or starts acting like they know best for me!
      They have never been me, or you, or other people but themselves… how could they know what’s best?

      Comment by hapitri | June 9, 2009 | Reply

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