Bitchiness is not a Crime

Just another woman who try to look wise


As my work requires me to have some knowledge and understanding of Indonesian people, it came as a huge disappointment to me to know that Indonesian women live just to breath, eat & breed!

Too harsh you think?? Maybe… why should I care?! They did that to themselves anyway…

Let me start by saying, I overrated them!

A few months ago I was on the frontline to defend women’s right and gender equality. But as I get to know Indonesian women better, the better I know that I shouldn’t even bother.

I thought that women in general want what I want… I want to be a goddam good researcher, I want to do something worthwhile for humanity, for the world. I want to carve my name in the heart of every human being 1000 years after I die… (I know it sounds too much, but hey… aim for the star, at least!)

But of course, I was very wrong. They don’t even dream of what they could have accomplish in life, they don’t even have a real dream (in my so shallow mind that is). All they want is that they can become an agreeable woman in society point of view, find a good & settled husband, gave birth to perfect children, brought them up righteously, gave them away in marriage, and then they will figure it later what they want in life. You see why I said their only purpose in life is to breath, eat & breed. Because they don’t want anything but to breed as the end purpose of their life, they said that a woman will never be a complete woman until she gave birth. You know what?! I don’t want to be JUST a woman, I want to be a human. I want to achieve big.

My boss said that I am atypical Javanese woman. I guess she is right… well all the people who knows me, the real me, know that I am far complex than just that.

Not that I don’t want to serve the people I love, not that I don’t want to do any house chores, no, no, no… I have been devoted to my husband (who I haven’t even met) for almost 29 years now. You cant judge me that I caught the ‘western plague’… I am not that also…

I talk to some married women not so long ago (of course, for work matter), we were discussing about a husband carrying house chores. So there are areas they feel that husbands should never enter for the entire of their life, the wives altar, their throne… the kitchen. We discuss about a husband setting table for dinner, I thought that was so sweet of a husband to do that, I know that if my husband did that, he will get a special treat from me 😉

But do you know what they think? Oohh… they feel that if a husband does that, it would be a disgrace, an insult of their womanhood… oh shit! Am I living in the stone age?? Isn’t that his house also? Isn’t he supposed to do something to keep the house and people living in it together too? They said that the husband should only read newspaper, watching TV or play with the kids… never, never, ever enter women’s altar… I was so upset and I was struggling to keep a smile and sit nicely. I feel like jumping to them and slap them, shake them…

Then after it is all finished, I return to my seat and think… replaying the conversation… then it comes to my mind, maybe that is the reason for me being single.

I talk to several men I am interested in about keeping a house together, where it means that a husband also need to work and do house chores… hey, I earn money too dammit! Why should it be any different?? But they were programmed by society to be that way, if they don’t conform they will be judge badly. No, I’m not blaming men, not even women. It’s just the only way they know… it is how their parents do it, and their parents…

If I am at the end not able to find someone whom I think have at least similar value as me, then so be it. I don’t think that I’m strong enough to live in their life… I don’t think I’m able to do what they do…

At this moment, I am very keen on talking to powerful women… I want to know their views, their way of life… if they are the same as these housewives… then I am doomed!

I will just forget the thought of meeting my husband… I know that many would think (Indonesian that is) I am too arrogant as a woman. Whatever… I just don’t have the time and power to do everything they do… and of course I have a different set of values. So I wouldn’t bother about what they think and do… they are free to do that and I am free to set how I want my life to be.


June 2, 2008 - Posted by | Life in General, Women

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