Bitchiness is not a Crime

Just another woman who try to look wise

Daily Struggle

Lately I’ve encounter a problem each time I need to dress to work… no, I’m not gaining weight… well, not significantly 😛

Each morning I open my wardrobe, I am terribly confused what to wear… silly problem as you may think, but the real problem lies not in the size or colour. You see, I’ve been blessed with an office that doesn’t really care what I wear to work (as long as I put a cover over my body, that’ll be decent enuff). So basically, I can wear anything from sluthy clothes to ‘what-a-nun-would-wear’ gowns.

I always dress according to my mood, and lately I just don’t have the mood to dress well…

Every day when I’m facing my wardrobe, I think and repeating the same thing… I want to look nice, but I don’t want too perky, but I want to look sweet, but I don’t want too glamorous… you may think, this is all rubbish. But the bottom of this dilemma I’m facing each morning is; I’m only going for work and I have no other life than my work, so why bother looking my best when it mean nothing.

I just want to look good and feel good about my look, but for what? I know if I wear something girly, it will be a hassle for me. and if I wear something boyish, it wont make me feel good about myself.

I re-think my situation, it’s not about the clothes… it’s not about how I look… it’s about feeling good. I feel that I lost purpose of my life… not that I ever realized that I have one, but I just let my life drifts, flowing without direction, meaningless…

The clothes that represent my mood, shows that at this point of my life, I have no lucid idea of life itself.

I know, everyone may not have clear idea of life, but I believe that everyone have a sense of meaning and direction they’re heading. What about me? again, I think I’m too old to have lost direction, to have doubts in my own identity, to let life goes without purpose.

If I focus myself in making lots of money, then again I ask myself, what am I to do with the money?

If I focus myself in humanity, (beside I don’t believe in human) isn’t that mean that I’m trying to compensate my lackings and become a mask to show people that I do have a purpose?

I don’t want to save chimps, I don’t want to win medals, I don’t want to save the earth… I just want to save myself from meaningless life!

How do people find their meanings? How do people identify their life’s purpose?


April 23, 2008 - Posted by | Life in General, Women

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