All apples in the bucket are good?

In an ideal world, we are all living in bliss… all of us have roof above their heads, clothes to keep warm, food to satisfy our hunger, and our better half just as better.

It has been a very busy week for me, and I realised that I haven’t had the chance to talk to my best friends… intellectually of course.

And for the last few days I’ve been so cranky and irritated at everything. At first I don’t know why… but after a while I think about it… I am intellectually hungry… oh I misses exchanging witty words, sarcasm, or just discussion anything that came out of the blue…

This also makes me think further… I think, I cannot live with someone who cannot satisfy my craving for intellect things. This new insight of myself makes me stumble upon what I have on my plate at the moment… I can’t accept just ANY man to be my life long companion.

Someone once told me that it is impossible for me to live with someone less than me… I wasn’t quite agree with her at that time, I thought “hey, as long as we both can be partners, of course I can!”. But I was wrong… then I also remember someone from my past told me, “H, you can’t live with just a simple guy, you’ll get bored in 5 minutes”.

Am I that complex?

And just a few weeks ago, my mum said to me, “you want someone who you can dominate, right?!” – hell no!!

But, did I send that signal?

I know that I will always challenge any man who tries to get on my side, not because I want to win… ou contraire… I want someone who can beat me… makes me yield…

Only a few did, but they don’t want me… of course. I know why… we all want to come home to simplicity…

After a whole day at work, with all the pressure and the work load, we just want to unwind ourselves in our nest, we just want to be stupid, dumb as an ass, and ignorant as commoners, etc.etc… we don’t need more challenges in bed (well, you know what I mean… some ‘challenges’ are required).

(don’t you all dare tell me to change! It is not a matter of changing outfit, instead… about acceptance)

You see, I’ve begin to face the real problem… it’s not that I’m blaming Indonesian men, how can I? I mean, they’re all been brought up like that and that is all they know… and I can’t blame how I am now… (trust me, it is not because how I’ve been brought up, or maybe it is… who cares)

I just had a conversation with a friend, I told him, “you see, this is the normal circle… and I am here… outside the normal circle”. I’m not implying that I’m crazy or anything. It’s just I don’t belong in ‘normal’ criteria.

As far as I can see, there are 2 options for me…

1. To accept the ‘normal’ norm and be content with whatever come next.
2. To accept that in my journey, I may never find my better half (since he is off running out with some other chick crossing half the world)

Now, to choose option 1… I may have to force myself to get up every morning and put on a fake smile for the rest of my life (of course, it may turn out to be different, but the chances are slim).

Or to choose option 2… I have no idea what’s ahead, and uncertainty makes me feel very uncomfortable.

So many people had tried to convince me that being ‘normal’ is a better option. But how can they know? They’ve never been ‘not-normal’ for their entire life… how can they know how it feels to be so desperately craving for a sexy intellectual conversation? Do they even know what is a ‘sexy intellectual conversation’ is?

Just because most in a bucket of apples are sweet, but it doesn’t mean that the entire bucket are all sweet juicy apple, right?