It’s shown

Last Friday when I went to an early meeting at a client’s place, and as common Jakarta attitude, the client of course was late. So while we’re waiting, my boss and I, (yes, the story was not about the meeting, I was placing a place only) we had a small talk… and I don’t know how it got to where we were, but we end up talking about being single. She said to me that being single is not actually by destiny, it is an option. One thing her mother told her that is, if someone wanting enough to be married, then it will shows in her attitude, in the way she dress, in the way she puts on her make-up, the way she talks, the way she moves, etc. Then she said, those women who want to get married, they put those things to attract men, to get some attention to them and at the end, they do all those things to please men. I think it through… and remember that most of my ‘un-married’ friends, so often that they don’t put on makeup, they dress as they please, and they don’t swing their hips To be honest, knowing that… knowing that it is I, myself, who actually doesn’t want to be married, is almost a relieve! Since I think I know what makes marriage scared the hell out of me… I am so afraid that I might lose myself in that marriage, turn to be someone else, have to give up my true self. Some people say that you need time and need readiness, to settle… I don’t know if I ever be ready. Some others say that you need the right person, and then you’ll know… Oh, I just don’t give a shit! I’m happy as I am now, I don’t need to change because of ‘man’. It’s not like no one wants me, but it is more to… I think, I don’t want to be with anyone… I do feel lonely every once and a while, but when I think of how my life is now… I believe I created the whole situation, I prevent it from happening… Whoa… such a big, big statement to myself.