Man, the Benchmark

I’ve posted this on my other blog, but i think it worth to be posted as my first blog here

A few days ago, I went to a ‘private’ sale of Zara in my office building. I went with several friends from the office and among us, there were a few men tagging along to see if they can get some good stuff. So there I was, and as usual, I head for shoes first and grab 2 pairs of shoes. Then I take a skirt… but then I found out that their debit machine is not yet working (dang!) in my wallet I don’t have enough to pay for all the stuff I took. So I went to my friend and ask them which pair of shoes I should take, but all of my female friends were preoccupied with their shopping goods. So I went to a male friend (I am so used to Haga choosing shoes for me), so I asked him, “which do you think is the nicest and which I shouldn’t bother?”. And another male friend join the ‘discussion’, the guy I asked is telling “hm… depends, but I think men would like to see the black pairs, but if you…” the rest of his words was lost for me. why would I want men to see me in those shoes?? Do they think that I wear shoes to be seen by men? WTF?! Today I was fooling around with a female friend and we joke around about figure – I have to say that I have a nice figure (which I take care like crazy just because I don’t want to waste my clothes collection if I gain too much), so, okay I don’t have huge boobs, but mine exist enough to be seen. I forgot how did we started the ‘contest’, but I was saying to a female friend (loud enough to be heard by the entire office), “hey, but I have a nice tummy…” and then a female friend cut my words, “what did you say? Tummy?” and I turn to her, “well, yes. Compare…” not even finished with my words, she add her statement “men don’t care about flat tummy, they prefer big boobs”. Okay the rest of the event is not going to be told here since it has become a stupid ‘male favourite organ contest’. But in my mind I was shocked, why must MEN as the benchmark? Are men the main benchmark for female?? WTF?! (again) All those remarks makes me think, are women so preoccupied in their head to be seen by men? Is the value of a female lies in the eyes of men? I wonder… do I even think that way too? I mean subconsciously… do I see my own value from the eyes of men? I know I’ve been down lately about not able to find ‘the one’ for me, but to think that everyday I dress and put on anti-aging cream. Did I do it all that for the sake of MEN?? I pray so hard that I didn’t do it for men, I am so scared to know if I really did it for the sake of seen by men. (no, I haven’t ask myself this question… too scared to find the answer) So let’s analyse the situation and what did I feel every morning in front of mirror, (I wanted so bad that I didn’t do those think for men) I like to look good, looking good makes me feel good and comfortable. I usually look my best when I know I have a date on the evening or having a meeting or presentation. For the date, not only with men, I just want my friends/dates to feel that I respect them by looking nice and of course to impress them with ‘halo effect’. As for the presentation, hey, if my clients going to skinned me, at least I die looking good (my theory is that people forgive beautiful girls if they act so stupid or make huge mistakes, because the stereotype they have – beautiful girls are stupid, hey I have to make use every asset I own). Funny thing is that I look ignorant to my look whenever I need to use my brain the most, hey being beautiful doesn’t help in making the reports. Okay… to sum it up. I only use my assets the best I could! Of course, if the man I’m interested thinks that I look gorgeous, I would be happy too… and I love looking good for the people I love. I want them to enjoy their time with me, a nice chat with a beautiful girl sounds darn good don’t you think? And remember one thing, I hate men on the street staring at me like I am walking half naked. So I don’t think I dress nice and put on that eye cream or anti-aging cream for men. I do it for myself and the people I love. No, I’m not using men as my beauty benchmark. By now you must think that I am a goddam narcist :) well, maybe I am. I don’t care, I don’t need others to tell me that I look good or bad. I do it my way and for my own pleasure… yeah I am just like narcissus… just hope I wont die drown in a lake after admiring my own beauty so much